/ Workplace Woes - Roze Knows

10:22 AM EDT on Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Dear Roze:

I’m not sure what to do. The boss of our office has decided to have a Halloween party in the office on Friday, October 28th, with the understanding that all employees bring in candy or some kind of “treats.” The sweets are for all the employees’ children who our boss wants to come to our office in costume for a little parade around the office at which time we’re supposed to hand out these snacks to all of them. My issue is that those of us who have kids are supposed to make arrangements to get our kids to the office. Besides the fact that I don’t want to participate in this stupid office activity, we’re not allowed to drive our family members in our company cars. My wife works and we only have one personal car, which she drives for her job, and I don’t expect her to take off work to do this. I’m concerned that the boss will look at me negatively if I don’t participate in this party. Please tell me what I should do about this.

-Wanting to Punt the Party in Yorktown

Dear Wanting to Punt the Party in Yorktown:

If a work environment is managed reasonably, an employee should not be penalized if he/she decides not to participate in an office party, but anyone who has spent some time in the workplace knows that an organization’s management does not always operate fairly. You know your boss and office politics better than I do, so you should be the one to determine if you should attend the festivities. If you decide that you do not want to be a part of it, I suggest that you meet with your boss immediately and respectfully explain that your family circumstances prevent you from participating, but if you decide it is in your best interest to participate, make arrangements with your wife as soon as possible.

Dear Roze:

I just don’t know what to do. A coworker of mine, who I consider to be a good friend, lost his wife suddenly. He hasn’t been the same since her death. He hardly interacts with anyone anymore. He seems really down. I don’t know if he’s taken advantage of our company’s employee assistance program, but I’m sure he’s been reminded of their services by our management. We used to talk over coffee in the morning and had lunch together at least four times a month. We didn’t just talk about work; we also talked about our spouses and other personal stuff. Now we hardly speak to each other. I think he needs to talk about what he’s feeling. I’m just wondering if there’s something I should be doing to make it easier on him when he’s at work.

-Eager to help Coworker in Mourning

Dear Eager to help Coworker in Mourning:

Everyone handles the death of a loved-one in his/her own way. It is nice to hear that you are concerned about your colleague, but you should let him deal with his loss in the manner that best suits him. You may want to send him a handwritten note or email, advising him that you are available if there is ever a time that he would like to talk to you.

Do not lose sight of the fact that time, in addition to faith, is often a person’s “best friend” in a situation like this.

Dear Roze:

I don’t get it. It seems like nothing happens to my supervisor when he messes up and does his job poorly. This lack of oversight obviously affects me because I work for him. I take pride in the good work I do and I’m tired of reporting to a boss who’s clueless. He can’t give my coworkers or me any direction. He actually comes to me and asks me about what we’re supposed to be doing because I have a lot more experience than him. I can tell that he hates coming to me for help. It’s impossible to respect him. Any thoughts on what I can do?

-Tired of Reporting to Clueless Boss

Dear Tired of Reporting to Clueless Boss:

I empathize with you. Unfortunately, your situation is not unique. Your best bet for making a difference is to join the ranks of management and give your employees the help they will want and need; otherwise, I suggest that you maintain your professionalism and strong work ethic. Keep a record of all your accomplishments as well as your supervisor’s questionable actions that may have a negative impact on your ability to do your job or on your performance evaluations. If you believe that your supervisor’s incompetence is undermining your efforts, take the matter to your boss’ boss.